When school conversations revolve around the latest video games or devices and social media is constantly creating desire, our children frequently face the uncomfortable feeling that everyone else has something better. That nagging whisper saying "everyone else gets to do this thing but I don’t..." has become increasingly persistent in young minds.
This feeling - fear of missing out (FOMO as our children might call it) - deserves our attention.
The Trap of Comparison
Imagine a garden where each plant constantly stretched itself, trying to match the height of others, rather than growing toward its natural light. The result would be distorted growth patterns and weakened roots.
Similarly, when children become preoccupied with comparisons, the natural development of their habits, interests, values - overall personality - can become skewed.
Comparison is fundamentally human. Our ancestors survived partly because they could observe others, compare resources, and adjust accordingly.
However, what was once an adaptive trait has transformed in our hyper-connected world.
Today's comparisons often leave children feeling perpetually inadequate. When your child complains that "Everyone has Instagram except me!" or "All my friends stay up playing games until midnight," they're not simply expressing a desire - they're expressing a perceived unfairness, a feeling that the world offers others simply more.
We parents need to reinforce that it’s different, not more.
The Dilemma for Parents
This could create a crossroad.
On one path lies the temptation to eliminate our child's discomfort by simply providing whatever they believe everyone else has. The easier choice is to simply give in to what your child wants because "everyone else has it" or "everyone else gets to do it."
The other path requires standing firm in our values despite the inevitable disappointment this might cause. Effective parenting requires making decisions based on your family's values and what you believe will truly benefit your child in the long run, even when those decisions aren't the most popular or convenient.
We worry about several things, that our children will:
- Miss crucial experiences or opportunities
- Resent us for restrictions we impose
- Feel socially excluded or different
- Suffer emotionally from feeling left out
We often parent according to what seems normal in our social circles without questioning whether these established norms align with our actual values. When do we need to step back and reconsider?
- When activities conflict with core values: If certain games, social media platforms, or activities promote values contrary to what you believe is important, that's a signal to pause.
- When you observe negative impacts: If you notice changes in your child's behavior, sleep patterns, or emotional well-being connected to certain activities or possessions, that's a signal to pause.
- When decisions are driven primarily by fear: If you're saying "yes" mainly because you fear your child's disappointment or social exclusion, that's a signal to pause.
- When "everyone is doing it" proves false: Often, when investigated, claims of universality ("everyone has this") prove exaggerated.
Telling a child to "stop comparing" would be like telling someone to "stop noticing" the difference between a cloudy day and a sunny one. Comparisons themselves aren't problematic—it's what follows them that matters. Children can learn to observe differences without automatically concluding "different means better" or "I need what they have."
How can we build FOMO resilience?
1. Develop Decision-Making Skills Through Guided ChoiceInstead of always deciding for your child or always letting them decide everything, create structured choices:- "You can have 30 minutes of screen time now or save it for after dinner."
- "We have a budget for one activity this month—would you prefer the science museum or the water park?"
This approach builds decision-making muscles while maintaining appropriate boundaries.
2. Build a Family Culture of Curiosity & Joy
We have a little tradition called “Interesting and Funny Things.” Whenever we find something fun, quirky, or thought-provoking—especially around our kids’ interests—we share it with them. It helps build shared moments, keeps them curious, and reminds them they’re not missing out—they’re tuned in.
3. Foster Self-Awareness Through Reflection
After your child experiences something they've been wanting (perhaps a new game or social media access), encourage reflection:
- "Now that you've been playing this game for two weeks, how do you feel about it?"
- "What parts of having this new thing met your expectations? What parts didn't?"
This builds metacognition - the ability to think about one's own thoughts and feelings - which is central to managing comparison and envy.
4. Emphasize on Self-Worth Beyond Possessions
Help children understand their value isn't tied to what they own or what activities they participate in:
- Celebrate their character strengths and personal growth regularly
- Point out specific qualities you admire: "I love how you solved that problem creatively"
- Create a family culture where who you are matters more than what you have
This helps children build internal validation rather than seeking external markers of worth.
5. Teach Perspective-Taking and Social Media Literacy
Help children understand that curated social media posts and excited playground talk rarely tell complete stories:
- "When Rahul talks about his new gaming system, what parts of the experience do you think he might not be mentioning?"
- "If someone looked at only our vacation photos, what challenging moments would they miss?"
- Discuss candidly how social media platforms are designed to make people feel they're missing out
6. Create Daily Moments of Gratitude
We can’t (and shouldn’t) aim for constant happiness—but we can help children find joy in small moments. Whether it’s enjoying a simple meal, laughing over a silly video, or sharing a family ritual, daily moments of gratitude help ground children in the present and teach them that joy doesn’t need to be flashy or Instagrammable.
7. Model It Ourselves
Children are always watching. When they see us appreciating small things, feeling content without comparing ourselves to others, or simply laughing at a shared family moment—they learn to do the same.
8. Encourage JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out)
Transform the narrative from what they're missing to what they're gaining:
- Help them appreciate the benefits of their current choices: "Because we're not at that event, we get this special time together"
- Discuss the freedom that comes from not following every trend
- Embrace boredom
In addressing FOMO, envy, and comparison with our children, we're not just solving immediate conflicts over video games or social media. We're helping them develop crucial life skills - the ability to make values-based decisions, to understand their emotions, to build healthy relationships, and to maintain well-being in a world constantly suggesting they need more.
These social-emotional skills will serve them far beyond childhood, you're preparing them to face similar challenges throughout life with greater resilience and wisdom.
And that might be the most valuable thing we can offer them in a world increasingly designed to make everyone feel they never quite have enough.
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