The Easily Frustrated Child

By Anjali Kariappa Chengapa | 5 minutes read

You know that moment when your child completely loses it over something that seems so small to you? Maybe it's a broken crayon, a puzzle piece that won't fit, or being told they can't have a snack right now. Suddenly you're dealing with tears, yelling, or your kid dramatically throwing themselves on the floor declaring life is over.

If this sounds like your Tuesday (and Wednesday, and Thursday), you're probably parenting a child with what we call low frustration tolerance. And here's what I need you to know first: This isn't your fault, and it's not their fault either.

Its Not Your Fault

Your easily frustrated child isn't being difficult on purpose. Their brain literally processes frustration differently than other kids. Some children have more sensitive stress response systems - think of it like having the volume turned up higher on their emotional reactions.

When your 5-year-old melts down because their sock feels "wrong," their brain is genuinely experiencing that as a crisis. The alarm bells are going off, stress hormones are flooding their system, and their thinking brain has basically left the building. You can't reason with a brain in crisis mode any more than you can have a calm conversation during a fire drill.

What does this look like?

What is Frustration Tolerance?

Frustration Tolerance is the ability to deal with the frustration that comes from you not being able to do something or when things don’t go your way. It is the ability to stay on the problem/situation and solve it or deal with it. 

Individuals with low frustration tolerance tend to get agitated and give up on tasks more easily than others. Most tasks require persistent efforts to learn and complete, but low frustration tolerance makes the child impatient to give it another try or stay on task. Low frustration tolerance could also come in the way of relationships as children might tend to lash out or give up on people when things aren’t going their way.

Why do we need Frustration Tolerance?

Building frustration tolerance helps children set and achieve goals. It helps them solve problems when they hit a roadblock without giving up. It helps them work on relationships and they can be better team players and collaborators. On the whole, this is a skill that will help them deal with frustration and thrive in all circumstances.

What actually helps?

1. Name & Normalise the Feeling

When your child is starting to melt down, resist the urge to minimize or rush to solutions. Instead, try this: 

"That's really frustrating, isn't it? You're working so hard, and it's not working yet." 

"It's okay to feel upset when things don't work right away." 

This does something powerful - it helps them feel seen and gives language to what they're experiencing. It moves them from a survival state to a connection state where actual learning can happen. 

Build their emotional toolbox when they're calm. You can't teach someone to swim during a hurricane, and you can't teach coping skills during a meltdown. When they're calm and regulated, practice breathing exercises, introduce stress balls, or show them how drawing can help big feelings. You're literally building their toolkit for the next storm.

2. Co-Regulate first, Problem-Solve later

Here's the thing about frustrated kids: when they're flooded with emotion, their thinking brain is completely offline. No amount of logic or problem-solving will work until they calm down. 

Your job at that moment isn't to fix the puzzle - it's to offer a calm presence. 

"I'm right here. Let's take a breath together." 

Stay close, stay calm. Your regulated nervous system helps regulate theirs. I know this is the harder path - it would be so much easier to just jump in and solve the problem for them. But the messier, healthier option is to co-regulate first and help them build their own capacity.

Watch your own emotions here. If you're feeling anxious or frustrated by their frustration, they'll pick up on that and escalate further. Take your own deep breath. Remind yourself this is a skill-building moment, not an emergency.

Once they've calmed down a bit, then you can look at the problem together. That's when real growth happens.

3. Build Frustration Tolerance Through Micro-Challenges

Think of frustration tolerance like a muscle - it gets stronger with regular, gentle exercise. 

Regularly offer small, slightly difficult tasks with just enough support: puzzles that are a tiny bit challenging, tricky jar lids to open, LEGO instructions that require some patience. The key is "just right" challenges - not so easy they're bored, not so hard they're overwhelmed. 

Celebrate effort, not perfection. "You kept going even when it was hard - that's your brain getting stronger!" This builds their internal narrative that they can handle difficult things. 

Set up "try again" routines that feel fun rather than pressured. Maybe you have a special phrase or gesture you do together when something doesn't work the first time. 

You're practicing frustration in tiny, manageable doses - together. With time and your presence, they learn: "I can feel frustrated and still keep going."

What does this looks like day to day?

😡 During the meltdown: Stay close, name the feeling, breathe together. Don't try to solve or teach in this moment. 

😌 After they calm down: "That was really hard for you. What do you think might help next time?" Let them help problem-solve. 

☺️During calm times: Practice coping skills, read books about big emotions, do slightly challenging activities together. 

❌ When you mess up (because you will): "I got frustrated with your frustration. That wasn't helpful. Let me try again."

The Long View - Building Resilient Humans

You're not trying to eliminate your child's big emotions. You're helping them learn to navigate those emotions skillfully.

And here's the truth: They're learning not just how to handle disappointment, but that they have a parent who believes in their ability to grow through difficult moments. That's a gift that will serve them their entire life.