Exploring Dysregulation In Children

3 minute read

We live in an overstimulating world, emotional regulation and focus is one of the most essential skills we can nurture in children.

Yet, many children struggle with staying calm, focused, or in control during moments of stress, transitions, or sensory overload.

This isn’t a failure of discipline or parenting.

It’s simply a reflection of a developing nervous system and developing prefrontal cortex.

❓Did you know that the prefrontal cortex is the decision making part of the brain and it continues to develop till a person is 23-25 years old?

When a child is dysregulated the thinking brain shuts off and the emotional brain takes over. No amount of reasoning with your child helps because the thinking brain has shut down.

Helping our children learn to calm their physical body will help them kick start their Thinking Brain.

Sensorial tools are powerful, developmentally appropriate ways to help children manage their emotions and bodily states. These tools work with the nervous system to ground, soothe, and re-center children, especially in moments of emotional overwhelm.

What Actually Helps: Working with the Body First

Here's the game-changer that most parents don't realize: You have to calm the body before you can reach the mind.

When your child is in full meltdown mode, their nervous system is flooded with stress hormones. Their heart is racing, their breathing is shallow, and their muscles are tense. Until you help their body feel safe again, nothing else will work.

Use Sensory Tools as Your First Line of Defense

Teaching our children to take a pause and stay connected and focused on a sense is a super skill. Here are simple and powerful sensorial regulation tools for kids - broken down by their senses:

SOUND (Auditory)

SIGHT (Visual)

TOUCH (Tactile)

SMELL (Olfactory)

TASTE (Gustatory)

MOVEMENT (Vestibular)

Multi-Sensory Combos:

Freeze dance or mindful movement with music
Nature walks with noticing prompts (What do you see? Hear? Smell?)
Calm corners with sensory baskets (soft textures, scents, visuals)
Breathing exercises with a soft toy rising and falling on the belly

Why These Work:

They give immediate sensory feedback
They help kids reconnect with their body
They calm the nervous system
And they help bring the thinking brain back online

The magic isn't in the specific tool - it's in giving their body a way to self-soothe that doesn't require their thinking brain to be online.

Why Are Some Children More Prone to Dysregulation?

Not all dysregulation stems from “misbehavior.” Some children are more emotionally reactive or struggle to stay calm due to a range of underlying factors:

Low Frustration Tolerance & Entitlement
When children are rarely allowed to struggle, wait, or face disappointment, they may develop an expectation that things will always go their way. As a result, even minor obstacles can feel overwhelming.
Unmet Needs for Connection
Sometimes what looks like “attention-seeking” is actually a child’s attempt to feel seen, safe, and emotionally connected. Dysregulation often arises when these core needs go unmet.
Overexposure to Screens & Fast-Paced Stimulation
Excessive screen time can overstimulate the nervous system and reduce a child’s capacity for boredom, patience, and emotional flexibility - key components of regulation.Too much screen time or high-speed, constant input (videos, games, noisy environments) can make it harder for children to self-regulate in calmer, slower-paced settings.
Sensory Overload
Crowded spaces, noise, bright lights, and long unstructured days can overwhelm a child’s sensory system. This is especially true for sensitive children or those with sensory processing challenges.
A Highly Sensitive Nervous System
Some children are wired to be more sensitive - emotionally, physically, and neurologically. They may feel things more deeply, get distracted more easily, or become overwhelmed by changes or transitions.

Other Things that can Contribute to Dysregulation:

Inconsistent Boundaries or Routines

Children feel safe when they know what to expect. Inconsistency or chaos—at home or school—can create stress and emotional unpredictability.

Basic Needs Not Met:

Hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation, or sensory discomfort (like scratchy clothes or loud noise) are common and often missed triggers for dysregulation.

Lack of Emotional Vocabulary

If a child can’t label what they feel (“I’m sad,” “I’m anxious,” “I feel left out”), they’re more likely to act it out through behavior—yelling, hitting, withdrawing, etc.

_{Modeled Behavior}

^{Children absorb how adults around them manage (or don’t manage) stress. If they frequently witness shouting, blame, or shutdown, they may mirror those same patterns.}

_{Lack of Skill Development}

^{Regulation involves multiple skills—emotional literacy, impulse control, problem-solving. If a child hasn’t had time, space, or guidance to develop these, they’ll struggle in moments of stress.}

_{Learning Differences or Neurodivergence}

^{Conditions like ADHD, autism, sensory processing challenges, or learning disabilities can make regulation harder—especially when children feel misunderstood or unsupported.}

Building Regulation Skills That Last

You're not trying to eliminate your child's big emotions or create a child who never struggles.
You're teaching them that their feelings are manageable, that their body has wisdom, and that they have tools to help themselves feel better.

Every time you help your child move from dysregulation back to calm, you're literally building new neural pathways in their developing brain. You're teaching them that overwhelming feelings are temporary, that they can trust their body's signals, and that they're not alone in figuring out this complicated world.

Some days will be harder than others. Some tools will work better for your specific child. Some seasons of life will require more support than others. And all of that is completely normal.

The goal isn't perfection - it's progress.

It's a child who gradually learns to recognize when their nervous system needs support, who has a toolkit of strategies that work for their unique body, and who knows they have a parent who believes in their ability to grow through difficult moments.

That's regulation. And that's a gift that will serve them for their entire life.

Exploring Dysregulation In Children

3 minute read

Modeled Behavior

Lack of Skill Development

Learning Differences or Neurodivergence

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_{Modeled Behavior}

_{Lack of Skill Development}

_{Learning Differences or Neurodivergence}